|[ Der Oberst hat niemand, der ihm schreibt ]|

Parenthood in the United States has become much more demanding than it used to be.

Over just a couple of generations, parents have greatly increased the amount of time, attention and money they put into raising children. Mothers who juggle jobs outside the home spend just as much time tending their children as stay-at-home mothers did in the 1970s.

The amount of money parents spend on children, which used to peak when they were in high school, is now highest when they are under 6 and over 18 and into their mid-20s.

Renée Sentilles enrolled her son Isaac in lessons beginning when he was an infant. Even now that he’s 12, she rarely has him out of sight when he is home.

“I read all the child-care books,” said Ms. Sentilles, a professor in Cleveland Heights, Ohio. “I enrolled him in piano at 5. I took him to soccer practices at 4. We tried track; we did all the swimming lessons, martial arts. I did everything. Of course I did.”

While this kind of intensive parenting — constantly teaching and monitoring children — has been the norm for upper-middle-class parents since the 1990s, new research shows that people across class divides now consider it the best way to raise children, even if they don’t have the resources to enact it.

There are signs of a backlash, led by so-called free-range parents, but social scientists say the relentlessness of modern-day parenting has a powerful motivation: economic anxiety. For the first time, it’s as likely as not that American children will be less prosperous than their parents. For parents, giving children the best start in life has come to mean doing everything they can to ensure that their children can climb to a higher class, or at least not fall out of the one they were born into.

“As the gap between rich and poor increases, the cost of screwing up increases,” said Philip Cohen, a sociologist at the University of Maryland who studies families and inequality. “The fear is they’ll end up on the other side of the divide.”

But it also stokes economic anxiety, because even as more parents say they want to raise children this way, it’s the richest ones who are most able to do so.

“Intensive parenting is a way for especially affluent white mothers to make sure their children are maintaining their advantaged position in society,” said Jessica Calarco, a sociologist at Indiana University and author of “Negotiating Opportunities: How the Middle Class Secures Advantages in School.”

Stacey Jones raised her two sons, now in their 20s, as a single mother in a working-class, mostly black neighborhood in Stone Mountain, Ga. She said she and other parents tried hard to give their children opportunities by finding affordable options: municipal sports leagues instead of traveling club teams and school band instead of private music lessons.

“I think most people have this craving for their children to do better and know more than they do,” said Ms. Jones, who works in university communications. “But a lot of these opportunities were closed off because they do cost money.”

There is a lot of science that goes behind deciding which wine goes best with your chicken, seafood or steak dinner, but what if I was to tell you which wine would go best with the kind of day you experienced? The data is out, and studies now show that certain wines pair up best with different parenting situations and child behavior.

The world’s most renown wine sommeliers have released this list exclusively to us at Life as a Rambling Redhead. Lucky for you, we are kind enough to share this life-changing knowledge. Parents everywhere are rejoicing.

We just want what’s best for your sanity.

Listed below are the best Wine Pairings for all stages of parenthood.

1. Riesling pairs perfectly with an explosive poopy diaper.

If your newborn baby had an explosive bowel movement, leaving your hands literally shit-stained from the yellow substance we call “poop”, we suggest chugging a glass of Riesling immediately. Riesling is refreshing, tends to be sweet and has a low acidity level. You’ve handled enough liquid that smelled of pure acid today, so kick back and enjoy this smooth, light wine that usually possesses the smell of apples. How lovely.

2. Chardonnay goes great with a middle schooler’s attitude adjustment.

If your middle-school child, let’s call her Megan, gave you non-stop attitude today and yelled the words, “You’re the worst parent ever!” or “Why can’t you be cool, like Addison’s mom?!” then you would most likely benefit from a good buzz. We recommend Chardonnay for your drinking pleasure this evening. Chardonnay has been described as tasting sweet like various melons and has a subtle creaminess. Subtle creaminess sounds divine. Megan’s insults sound annoying.

3. Choose Sauvignon Blanc when you feel like the walls are caving in on you.

If you were stuck inside all day with a toddler who did nothing but throw every toy in his playroom and whined about absolutely everything, then we recommend enjoying one, possibly two glasses of Sauvignon Blanc. This wine has been said to have an earthy taste, such as bell peppers or freshly mowed grass. Drinking something that smells of fresh sod will surely help you forget the painful memories of toy trucks being hurled at your face or being bitten by a small baby beast who wants nothing more than to see you cry.

4. Pair a Merlot with child terrorism.

If you have multiple children, and all of them decided to act like freakin’ lunatics on the same day, then you need something that goes down easily. Something easy to gulp. We suggest a Merlot. This wine is referred to as an “introducing” wine to novice wine drinkers since it is smooth and light. We are very aware that you are not new to drinking wine, but tonight is not the night to jack around with a dry wine that forces you to drink slowly. You were assaulted by multiple child terrorists today and you’re still alive to complain about it. Drink up warrior.

5. Pinot Noir goes well with dented or scratched vehicles.

If your teenager was involved in a minor “fender-bender” today (aka – she backed her new car into your car that was parked in the driveway) then we recommend a Pinot Noir. This wine is very delicate and fresh, unlike your daughter, whose sole purpose in life seems to be attempting to destroy all of the cars you own. The tannins in this wine are very soft, making it the opposite of bitter. Nobody needs a dry wine when their daughter is constantly participating in a real-life game of bumper cars…. you’re already bitter enough, thanks to her.

6. Cabernet Sauvignon pairs perfectly with poor hygiene.

If you find yourself covered in baby vomit, human waste, or toddler boogers, then you need to drink wine that will, for a brief moment, make you feel like royalty. We suggest drinking a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon. This wine has been deemed the King of Red Wines. It’s dark, rich and is said to be best paired with a decadent, juicy steak. When one is covered in foul bodily fluids, they do not have the time nor the desire to grill a steak. Thank goodness drinking wine does not take much effort. Forget the steak, and grab your best crystal glass to have the ultimate royal experience. And change shirts immediately. Queens and Kings don’t sip wines with crusty nose goop adhered to their clothing.

If you’re unable to invest in any of these suggested wine choices, there is always Boone’s Farm and Franzia waiting for you at your local, disgusting 7-eleven. There is no scientific data behind these two wines, but we are very confident that they will get the job done.

Forget about the dishes, laundry or wasting precious “me-time” on bathing. Have a glass of wine with someone special – preferably your spouse, since that special person helped you create these cute but horrible monsters that drive you to drink.

#Bottomsup.